


Oh Deer

by Lunamaria (Kapori)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 21:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11170140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kapori/pseuds/Lunamaria
Summary: "I was telling Tidus about Genie." Sora leans closer to his dad to say, "I've told you about Genie, Dad. He's the one from Agrabah, with all the sand. And so, anyhow, Tidus says I'm full out if. That I'm lying. Me, lying."Self-indulgent, post-KH2 crack.





	Oh Deer

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series of short fics that, while mostly canon-compliant, exist in this crack universe in my head where Sora's gone home after all his adventures...and still has to deal with the reality of being keyblade wielder. I'm pretty sure there is some kind of canon that everyone forgets about the other worlds and being displaced, but that's too boring. So, here, everyone remembers/is aware of our trio's grand outer-world adventures. 
> 
> And there's no way I believe Sora wouldn't find a way to cause trouble with all that magic at his fingertips. 
> 
> *Avissa and Calyx are the names I've chosen to call Sora's parents. Because typing Sora's mom and Sora's dad repeatedly is exhausting.

_Oh Deer  
_.

.

 

He takes the keyblade in his hands, demeanor carefully detached.

She's stunned by him – the crispness of his outfit, the ease with which he carries his weapon, the casual way he lets the incantation slip into the air: " _Firaga_."

It's a spell, and she finds that out too little, too late. In a blink, her office is aflame. The stack of official documents at the corner of her desk go up with a ridiculous  _poof_ and soon enough, there's not even a desk, let alone any more paperwork. Next go the curtains, then the plastic palm tree drooping in the corner.

He remains unscathed, standing in the center of the room in all his heroic glory. She's speechless, so he takes authority of the situation.

"Why don't we let today's incident slide?" he says, voice deep and assertive.

In a state of shock, she scurries to open the door for him. She nods furiously in acquiesce as he turns to leave, keyblade thrown casually against one shoulder. She assures him, a few stray hairs positively singed, that his record, as always, is free and clear. What lovely magic, have a nice day.

At least, that's how it plays out in his mind.

But what really happens is this:

Sora sits between his parents, the three of them lined up before the chairwoman's desk. It's a bit like a stand-off. The chairwoman, hands clasped tightly together, keeps her narrowed eyes fixed on Sora. Sora and his father look elsewhere while Avissa's expression insists, _You see what I have to deal with?_

After a too-long silence, Sora's father coughs delicately into the quiet. 

"You can understand," he says, "how hard of an adjustment this is for Sora. Re-adapting?"

It's meant to be an assurance of some sorts, but to Sora it just sounds like a suggestion. 

The chairwoman does not seem impressed. Sora leers at his father.

"And you can understand that we cannot have"–a pause here from the chairwoman to collect her thoughts–" _magical_ deer running around my school. Especially not to bully and intimidate other students."

The chairwoman's a bit ashamed of the course of the conversation. In any other reality, she thinks, that last bit would have been a roaring joke. But here she is, grave as she chastises one student for using a magical fawn as leverage against another. 

It doesn't sit particularly well with her, but she trudges on anyhow. She's an educator, no matter how taxed.

"You do understand," she adds, "why this is a problem?"

"Of course, but as Sora was saying earlier," Calyx begins, pauses, runs a hand through his hair. "Sora, you were saying?"

The chairwoman is not appeased, but for a moment can sympathize with the boy's parents. This is absurd territory as an educator. As parents? She pinches the bridge of her nose to staunch the headache creeping up her temples. 

"It was gym," begins Sora as way of explanation. As if that clarifies everything straight away, no harm done. His father leers, so he reluctantly amends: "It was an accident, actually."

No one says anything at this, so Sora resumes his defense. 

"I was telling Tidus about Genie." Sora leans closer to his dad to say, "I've told you about Genie, Dad. He's the one from Agrabah, with all the sand. And so, anyhow, Tidus says I'm full out if. That I'm lying. _Me, lying_."

"Inconceivable," Avissa says without inflection.

"Riku and Kairi try and tell him off, you know, 'cause what does he know about genies, but then Selphie's defending him and it's just a big mess whenever she gets involved."

There isn't much explaining done here, because it's common knowledge what a fright the Tilmitt girl can be when she really puts her hair into it.

"So, I figure – why not just show him?"

"The 'him' being...Genie?" supplies the chairwoman. She lays her hands against her desk, shuffling together a few of the documents she'd been looking over before the outbreak. 

"His name is Genie, and he's a genie," Sora finally says, hoping to delight, the chairwoman thinks. 

She considers herself informed, cataloging the existence of genies in another world as clinically as possible. 

All the same, she's still trying to sort out what any of this has to do with the fawn in her school. So she says: "I'm still trying to sort out what any of this has to do with the fawn in my school."

Sora gives her a hard look then, as if he's not sure why the dots aren't connecting. He looks side to side at his parents, equally as mystified as Sora's headmistress. 

"Go on, Sora," his father says, encouraging. 

Sora nods. "So instead of Genie, out summons Bambi!"

"Bambi?" asks the chairwoman, eyes unblinking. 

"The deer," Sora supplies.

"Yes, of course. Instead of Genie. The genie," assures Calyx, taking the story in better stride than the chairwoman or Sora's mother. 

"Exactly," Sora says, satisfied. 

After, Sora begins to explain the logistics of things. How one would summon a lion or an elephant, with a few in-between moments where he wonders aloud where things went wrong. As he goes on to explain, Tidus was less than impressed with the deer, which is perfectly reasonable when one is prepared to meet a blue genie named Genie (even though the deer, of all things, is a bona fide prince).

Tidus was however, Sora assured, shaking in his bones with laughter once the fawn found his way indoors. All in all, he seems quite pleased with himself.

When the conference is drawing to is close, the chairwoman pinches her nose again, exasperated. She waves her hand dismissively. Defeated. "Two days detention. No more deer. No genies. Now, please, make yourselves scarce."

When the three of them take their leave, door safely behind them, Sora's father says, "I thought that went rather well."


End file.
